What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 09:36
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Opinion: The secret to a longer life could be this old-fashioned English breakfast - MarketWatch
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
What made you feel satisfied about your life today?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why does a straight man like anal penetration?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Where should Jac Caglianone hit in the Royals order? - Royals Review
So whats the point in blame.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
(And it was in our own minds.)
A Cosmic Tech Mystery Results in Literal Lost Souls in This Sci-Fi Short Story - Gizmodo
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
My Girlfriend Had a Legendary Sex Life Before Me. No One Will Let Me Forget It. - Slate Magazine
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
NASA raises the odds that an asteroid could hit the moon in 2032 - Space
Who then, do I blame.?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
All the time i was locked up.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She found it foreign!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He knew the spot.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Comes on , in middle age.
My life is so biszare .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I think the readers, may guess!
I said to her
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But, we were locked up after school.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was very sick at this time too.
We all went to grammer schools
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One cannot live in the past .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She wouldn,t have been !
She was in good health!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She married twice! .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But it wasn’t much.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
So, i spoilt her more .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
What did i know ?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im still living with it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I will be 64.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Put me off passion for life!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Would this be the day?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Especially a lifetime of it.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I have no regrets .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Why did i forgive my father ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She loved him until the end.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When she asked me how she looked .
It was going to be , some day.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Ive learnt so much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were not on the streets..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I waited trembling.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I write beautiful poetry .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And i lived it daily.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I was 9 years of age.
This is soul school!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was scared of men, in general
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My family never makes their pension either.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I don,t even have a pension.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!